The time I fell into now

What would you do if you suddenly realized that you only had a few months to live?

Would you go about wasting the little time you had left on earth? Would you doubt yourself thinking you could do it better tomorrow? Would you walk away from your dreams? Wait for the next opportunity to come your way? Forget about it all? Or would you make the present your primary focus?

I obviously cannot know what you would choose to do in such a difficult situation. But I can tell you what happened to me when illness catapulted me into an endless series of present moments. The experience was cataclysmic: my perception of time shifted completely.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t avoid living in the present, as now was all I had left.

The past had already dissolved, only held together by a thread of distant memories, while the future was highly uncertain. Everything that had once seemed so vital suddenly proved insignificant. The towering belief systems I had taken pride in solidly constructing swiftly collapsed; the ideological bunkers I had taken refuge in shattered to dust, leaving me unprotected and exposed to a deafening silence.

And yet in the now permeated by that silence, everything unfolded. Grace found its way to my heart.

I knew now was the time to realize my dreams and appreciate what I had instead of what I lacked, to celebrate love, to see beauty where I believed there was none, to heal the pains of the past, and to live fiercely, kindly, and imperfectly.

For this is what happens in the now: we become conscious of what each moment brings to us and our hearts fearlessly expand into the present.

Awakening is no longer seen as an event that might come in the distant future once we are ready or perfected enough. We only ever wake up in the now. Now unveils the totality of existence, the light of our divinity, as well as the face of our profound humanness. All is revealed in the now. Now is all we ever need.

In the now, the gap between where we are and where we want to be suddenly shrinks. Life no longer slips through our fingers because we are not sleepwalking our way through it, constantly planning for the future.

In the now, we understand that the questions burning within our hearts can no longer be postponed, discredited, denied, abandoned or neglected. We begin to see clearly that what matters to us is not how much time we have left, but rather what we make of each instant we are gifted with.

If we focus on the present, it is no longer possible to escape our true selves. Our heart’s deepest longings and truths light up the night sky like magnificent shooting stars. Honesty seeps through, and love comes rushing in, not as something we consciously conjure into being, but as a force that emanates from our every pore—a flame that infuses the atmosphere with light.

In the now, we answer our heart’s deepest call without a delay. And we do this not because we are consumed by fear or anxiety that we do not have enough time left or that time is running out. We act out from the heart due to the realization that time is the now and that now is imbued with consciousness.

When now is all we have, we are compelled to pour all our energy into what truly matters. We give ourselves permission to do so and that unleashes a kind of ferocity of spirit that allows boundless grace to dissipate through our entire being. We begin to embrace the pain of trauma, and start unlocking the emotional baggage we have long kept under the surface. In so doing, we are de-armoring the heart and unleashing our adventurous spirit.

When now is all we have, there is no more side-stepping. We ground ourselves in life by looking inward, focusing onto our emotional self, as this is the essence of life. We dive into the very center of the mess, not spiritualizing, bypassing or transcending one bit of it. To our utter surprise, we even begin to welcome what is uncomfortable.

Somehow, full awareness of the present moment gives us a gift: it brings us the fortitude to walk our true paths, to brave the unknown. We find courage to return to that vulnerable core within us, to explore the most perilous avenues of spirit, so that our deepest emotional wounds can tenderly be sown back and we can finally begin to love and hold ourselves dearly.

As this eternal moment unfolds, we realize that we are timeless beings infused with universal light. The soul doesn’t care about deadlines. To the soul, time is infinite. And yet, paradoxically, when we profoundly embody this truth in the depths of our humanness, we also come to realize just how precious time is.

And though it is never too late to discover who we truly are, to follow our passion, to pursue a dream, a talent or a gift we may have, we can only stop putting things off when we are tuned into now because we want to truly live and let go of what no longer serves our highest purpose.

From the heart of now we can ask ourselves:

Why am I here?

How can I live this life to its fullest?

What can I offer to the world, my friends, my family, my community?

How can I embody the deepest truths of the heart in my everyday life?

How can I connect to the universal energy that binds us all?

How can I honor my heart in all my actions?

How can I live authentically? How can I stand fiercely in the now?

What is most important in my life? What matters the most?

What moves me? What makes my heart sing?

How can I keep love safe?