What's the psychological payoff?

Unable to let go of something that no longer serves you?

There may be a powerful psychological payoff explaining why you keep holding on to it.

Payoffs can be what keep us stuck.

Although deep down you may know how a particular relationship dynamic, habit, negative thought, behaviour, emotional pattern or past situation isn't going to serve you in the long run, you are still finding it quite challenging to let go.

Becoming fully aware of what reward mechanisms are operating underneath the surface can free us from holding on to what no longer serves us.

So it may be worth asking: what am I secretly getting out of this in the short term that is making me resistant to changing it for the good?

In other words, what am I reaping from keeping this thought/habit/belief going?

For ex:

1. Observation: I can't stop pleasing others.

2. Payoff: Pleasing others makes me feel accepted as I dislike conflict.

3. Mindful realization: Pleasing others is keeping me from fulfilling my potential and living in my heart.

As you start becoming more aware of payoffs, you may notice that the benefits you are reaping can be quite subtle. They can range from gaining a greater perceived sense of safety and security, to living in more comfort, to getting more attention, acceptance, approval, validation....etc.

Whatever you find your payoff to be, that is what is quietly feeding the attachment to that particular dynamic you are unable to shift or change.

That's the fuel holding you back from actually getting what you want, growing, expanding, and embracing change so you may walk in alignment with your heart's deepest calling.